


Water and Smoke

by allin_ev_itable



Series: Hurting Jimmy Campbell's Feelings [1]
Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: F/M, I don't know where I went with this, I mean it's sad but, It's not as sad as I tag it, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, depictions of ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 16:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15198341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allin_ev_itable/pseuds/allin_ev_itable
Summary: They all want to go on a beach vacation.Jimmy knows he can't handle it, but agrees.





	Water and Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off some headcanons I put in a discord server (Y'all know who you are) and I got carried away from there
> 
> I didn't proofread this because it's 3am and I'm tired but I couldn't sleep without finishing this.

“We’ve got a month until our next tour kicks off. We gotta think of some fun stuff to do until then.”

Jimmy mentally tensed the second that the word “vacation” was uttered from Davy’s mouth. It was June. The weather was warm, and they had the financial funds to travel. That meant there was a good chance somebody could suggest- no. He wasn’t going to worry about it. There were a million other activities they could partake in. There was only a slim chance that any of them would suggest-

“Hey, how ‘bout we go on a vacation to the beach?” Donny suggests, flicking the end of his cigarette into the ash tray.

Well shit.

As the rest of the guys excitedly agreed and began making ideas, Jimmy remained silent from his spot on the couch in his living room. He kept his head down near his textbook to make it appear that he was just engrossed in his studies and not growing increasingly more panicked at the simple thought of the ocean. For a second he glanced up to lock eyes with Julia, who’s smile wavered at the sight of Jimmy’s face.

“Um, guys I don’t think this is a great idea. Maybe we could do something else?” she tried to reason, though the others groaned and whined at the rejection. Then came a tapping noise from Jimmy moving his fingers quickly against the book to keep his hands busy and therefore, his mind clear.

“Come on, it’ll be fun! We could build sandcastles, play in the water, go swimming-“

“Not no, but _fuck_ no.” Jimmy said sternly, cutting off Davy’s ideas as he shot up from the couch. The rest of the band turned to look at him in stunned silence at his outburst. He had never cursed that heavily before. That’s the first time they’d ever heard the f word come out of his mouth.

Julia looked sympathetic and borderline worried. She hated seeing any of her boys upset, though they thoroughly deserved to get upset at times after the things they’d seen. Sometimes being upset was better than keeping it bottled up, and Jimmy definitely chose the latter far too many times to be considered healthy.

Johnny also shared a similar look to Julia’s, but his was more towards a look of utter concern. He had heard the story before, on one of the rare occasions when Jimmy had gotten absolutely hammered and told all the things he kept hidden whenever he was sober. Johnny had tried to let him finish the story but also made sure he didn’t get himself too worked up. Sometimes it hurt to heal, but there was a difference between cleaning a wound, and opening it up and leaving it alone.

The others all looked defeated, but ultimately decided to toss out the idea. After all, the whole point of the band was to get away from the things that hurt them, be it physically or mentally. But Jimmy knew. He could tell just by the looks in their eyes that they were already looking forward to the mere concept of going to the beach. He hated being the roadblock in his friend’s happiness.

“…You know what? Fine. Let’s go.” Jimmy said after a minute, reverting to his cool and collect demeanor in a matter of seconds.

Julia walked over to her friend, gently shaking her head. “Jimmy if you can’t-“

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

\--

It was not fine.

The long journey to the nearest and cleanest beach was chaos in and of itself. Nick spent nearly the entire time trying to convince Wayne to let them get a dog when they got home (a conversation that had to be placed on hold since Wayne wasn’t budging and Nick refused to give up so easily. He was getting a damn dog one way or another), Julia and Donny shamelessly flirted and endearingly made fun of each other, Davy cleaned out his stock of beer in record time, and Jimmy and Johnny sat next to each other on the small couch of the tour bus as the time passed by.

The nerves rising in Jimmy manifested in the slight tremble in his hands, something Johnny had noticed right away and grabbed his hand to try and soothe his worries. “Are you alright?” he asked, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t cause any direct attention to the other’s uneasiness. “You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little…I’ll be alright.”

Johnny wanted to press further, and suggest that they could drop everyone off at the beach and just go someplace else after. He wanted to, but he knew Jimmy would decline the offer. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin anyone’s fun, even if that meant putting himself in physical discomfort.

They arrived at their location less than an hour later, and after checking into their hotel rooms they all excitedly charged towards the beach. Jimmy followed, dragging his feet the entire time as the nerves made his hands tremble until he got so fed up with it that he shook his hands as if to shake out all the worry he had obtained on the trip.

It didn’t work.

The second he saw the bright blue of the ocean waves, thousands of memories swirled in his mind like a blizzard that threatened to kill him at any second. Memories of friends he had known for a short amount of time yet were friendlier than the kids from school or his neighborhood, who found any reason to target him. Memories of a ship he had learned to navigate through forwards and backwards. Memories of practicing several languages for hours on end in preparation to put his skills to use in case on an emergency situation. Memories of a joking smile, and beautiful eyes, and-

“Hey Jimmy! C’mon!” Davy said excitedly, splashing Nick with water who in return splashed him back. Wayne hesitated at the unpredictable waves, but after a reassuring glance from Nick, he slowly made his way into the water with them. Johnny, Julia, and Donny all started to set up towels and parasols, comfortable with merely watching the three others and chatting amongst themselves for the time being.

Meanwhile, Jimmy was still there, staring intensely at the sea. It was as if it were mocking him, calling out for him to come back just one last time. He forgot something last time. Or rather, _someone_. He took a deep breath and walked straight ahead, not taking his eyes off the water. Memories of long work days. Memories of sleepless nights. Memories of spontaneous drills.

By the time he’d come back to his senses, he was already barely able to touch his toes to the water. The shock came to him quicker than the realization had, and it was while the panic was setting in that he realized he couldn’t move. He was physically unable to go anywhere, the pure terror rendering him motionless. He was pulled out further, apparently reaching a dropoff as his body quickly fell under the cold blue blanket.

Memories of a loud alarm blaring. Memories of screaming men, all running in different directions. Memories of _“This is not a drill! Repeat:This is not a drill!”_

He couldn’t hold his breath. He couldn’t bring his head back up out of the abyss, both literally and mentally. He wanted to stop. Just inhale the clear ocean and sink down, just like his ship. As he opened his eyes, the salt of the water stinging slightly, he could’ve sworn he saw dark hair, bright eyes, a Navy uniform, a joking smile. His tears replaced the water that began to fill his lungs.

Memories of smoke. Memories of fire, of debris, of screams, of explosions, of gunfire.

Of bodies.

Of _his_ body.

The tugging on his arm caused the uniform to disappear, and Jimmy to scream out just as he did at the sight of him floating motionlessly in front of him all those years ago.

“I’ve got him!” Donny shouted frantically towards land, swimming as fast as he could and dragging Jimmy onto the sand. He was unresponsive, and according to Nick checking and double checking, wasn’t breathing.

Johnny and Julia stood in terrified silence, watching Donny and Nick do what they needed to do yet still wanting to help somehow. They settled on holding each other’s hand tightly, some form of comfort for the best friend and the boyfriend.

After over a minute of CPR and mouth-to-mouth, Jimmy coughed and emptied his lungs of the water that he had decided to substitute for the smoke and anguish that had filled them so long ago.

He quickly tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by Nick and Donny. “Hey hey, don’t do that. Don’t move too quickly.” Nick urged, motioning for Davy to grab a towel to wrap around Jimmy’s shoulders so he could sit up and try to wear down some of the shock.

“H-He was…was in…” Jimmy stuttered out, his childhood weakness coming out full force through a broken voice as his body began to shake violently.

Johnny quickly moved to Jimmy’s side, taking his trembling hand and reminding him where he was. Everyone knew what was happening. It’d happened enough times amongst each other that it wasn’t anything new. That didn’t make it any less worrisome and terrifying, especially since it was Jimmy partaking in this episode. He was usually so well put together. They’d never seen him in such a state.

Wayne was glad there wasn’t anyone else in sight, because how close he moved to Nick wouldn’t have been seen as socially acceptable. Even more so after Nick took his hand to keep him calm as well.

When the shaking stopped, and Jimmy was breathing like normal, the rest of the group decided it was in their best interest to call it a day for the beach and go back to the hotel to lay out a plan for the evening’s activities. Jimmy promised them all that he was okay, but he still needed a minute to compose himself. Johnny started to get up and go, but the feeling of Jimmy’s hand squeezing his own stopped him.

“…Please stay?” he asked, the level-headed and collected demeanor he had just maintained for the sake of his friends crumbling in an instant. It absolutely broke Johnny to see someone he cared about so deeply fall apart like this. He’d seen Jimmy on bad days, but nothing compared to this. A man who looked completely and utterly _broken_.

“Yeah. Of course.”

The sound of waves crashing paled in comparison to the feeling Jimmy was experiencing. It was as if someone had taken all of his emotions and put them in a blender. They both sat there without talking, just holding hands and taking in the view. Even after an ordeal like he had just gone through, Jimmy couldn’t deny that the water from this distance was beautiful.

Now he was sure he understood the meaning of the word “breathtaking”.

Part of him wanted to tell Johnny what he’d seen. Why he didn’t just hold his breath, why he was so full of distress that letting go just seemed like the easiest option.

But he couldn’t. Not now, when his guard was already too down for his liking. Not now.

“…Can we go to the hotel?” he asked quietly, his tone neutral so he could mask the whirlwind of feelings that, with one wrong move, could completely destroy the aspired personality of Jimmy Campbell. Johnny just nodded and helped the other to his feet, leading him in the direction of the hotel.

Here’s adding to the long list that goes undiscussed.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I was going with this. Hope you like it though!
> 
> STALK ME CORNER
> 
> Instagram: @allin_ev_itable  
> Tumblr: @allin-ev-itable  
> Twitter: @allin_ev_itable


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